I love Reader's Digest. It started when I was young. My Daddy always read it, so I had to too. And I fell in love.  So here I am posting some of the stuff that has made the most difference to me. Hope it helps ya'll out.

I am actually gonna post 10 Ways to Turn That Frown Upside Down. If you want to read the whole article go to www.rd.com and in the search box type The Way to Happiness. It'll bring the whole article up.

Now, having picked this for myself, to try to have a more positive perspective on life, let's hope I can work on it!

10 Ways to Turn That Frown Upside Down

1. Be less virtual, more 3-D. "If there's one thing that separates happy people from ridiculously happy people, it's the quality of their social relationships," says psychologist Todd Kashdan of George Mason University. If you sit at a computer all day, get up and indulge in some human contact instead. Even time with strangers ramps up your sense of well-being, says Kashdan. "You laugh much harder when you're with other people in a theater than when you watch a movie at home."

2. 4, 6, 8 … who do we appreciate? Making a list of things you're grateful for may seem silly, but it's been proven to work. In fact, counting your blessings may be the single most helpful thing you can do for your happiness quotient, say experts.

3. Rack 'em up. Think of every positive experience during the day as a bead on a string, and see how they add up. This simple exercise makes you focus on even the smallest positive moments, like a fellow driver waving you to go first at a four-way stop, or an e-mail from a friend in a spam-filled inbox.

4. Think memorable, not material. If you have to choose between, say, a new car and a family vacation, pack your bags. Even the sexiest sports car becomes routine over time. But the memory of a good time with friends and loved ones will last forever.

5. Go to the funny side. "Humor is like salt on meat," observes psychologist Martin Seligman, PhD. "It amplifies everything." Watch reruns of classic shows that never fail to make you laugh. Try to smile at the absurdities of life. And when you read the jokes in this issue, laugh out loud.

6. Escape to your stress-free zone. Think of a place where you always feel calm and happy. Then, when you're tense and miserable, call it up mentally, with as much detail as possible. Smell the suntan lotion. Feel the sun. Hear the sea. Play this video in your mind when your spirits slump.

7. See the glass as half full. Whenever possible, try to look at the bright side. You might be feeling like your life right now is one giant downhill slope. But if you stop and assess it honestly, you'll see you actually have it pretty good. And if things truly are against you, see No. 8.

8. Find your inner artist. Think back to when you had time for creative expression. Were you in a rock band? Did you write poetry? Did you love tinkering with cars? Remember feeling so engaged that you lost track of time? Why not pick up that Fender (or fender) again? Joyful expression can bring happiness.

9. Do good. Acts of kindness, however small, deliver as much pleasure to the giver as to the getter. For example, a real paper-and-pen letter, telling someone who's helped you how much it meant to you, is a surefire cheer-upper. So is giving time, money or both to a good cause.

10. Seize the moment. Rather than waiting to celebrate a big event, why not do it today? Bake a cake just because. Take someone out to lunch. Buy pink nail polish.Have sex in the afternoon. Raise a toast to a good day. Go ahead, be happier.

From Reader's Digest - February 2008

So I got my meds increased to 600 mg of Seroquel. Which is double what I was taking. Doing better with it so far except now I am miserable with the flu!! Damn Mario for bringing it home!!

I hope I get disability soon. Mario missed work so we are even farther behind in bills than normal!! *crossing fingers* Here's hoping I get it the first time.

Mario also started his new hours at work today. He will now be working Tues, Wed 12 am to 8 am. Then off on Thurs. Fri and Sat 4 pm to 12 am. Then Sun 8 am to 4 pm. It's some wacky hours but he gets to be inside at the desk instead of walking around the parking lot. Which makes him happy.

Since I haven't posted since last May, i have to catch you up on what transpired BEFORE yesterday.

On Halloween Mario and i went to a corn maze. i was very excited. I like to do holiday stuff and I never seem to have the energy or money to do what I want. So instead of going to the Witch's Ball I settled for the corn maze. I wish I could say we went and we had fun, but I can't. We went, were terrified (not what we had planned on) and to this day I am still recouping from that.

The basic is we were in the regular corn maze, not the haunted one (which we were told if we wanted to go through we would be escorted through). We were having fun minding our own business and the jerks decided it was Halloween so they'd have some fun. They left the haunted maze and came into the other one scaring us. it eventually came done to them count 10, us count 2, they surrounded us and wouldn't stop scaring us even when we told them to stop. We waved the flag to get out and were told 'go towards the light'! So we did and was followed the whole way to the beginning by the whole gang. We were followed all the way to the car and was ridiculed and tormented the entire way. I was and am still, scared shitless.

Ever  since then I've been scared of things I am not normally scared of (i.e. supernatural and snake TV shows, i don't watch horror movies to start with). Anyways, i have also been getting more and more depressed. Having thoughts of doing stuff to myself (thank Gods i have impulse control on this one!), binge eating again, having MAJOR problems with memory, retaining information, concentration (so much so that most of the time I probably shouldn't be driving).

Now the next part some might have problems accepting or understanding. If you do and you love me all you need to understand is this is what feels 'right' to me as in this is probably what really is going on.

My therapist and I have been working on trying to figure out what the hell has been going on since the previous months before Halloween i was doing GREAT. What we figured out (since I was abused and tormented since as young 1 or 2 years old) that Halloween triggered my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I've 'flashed back' into the early years of my life mentally and am stuck there. This makes total sense to me with  the problems I am having (I didn't go into all of them).

So my job now is to love my inner child me and give myself love and understanding. Well pretty much nurture my inner child like it should have been years and years ago. I deserve this and I WILL do it! I have being scared all the time. I hate being stuck where I feel I am.

This year i am REALLY gonna celebrate all of my years of existance and the phases of of life so far.

Daddy's Love

I didn't get kisses on the cheek or hugs when I was sad.

I just didn't understand.

He worked his back to the bone, weary and tired, day after day, to give me clothes on my back, food on the table, and a house to call home.

I just didn't understand.

I got lectures on responsibility and ethics,and suggestions of how to do it better next time,

instead of sympathy for life's situations.

I just didn't understand.

I didn't hear 'I love you' so I didn't think I was.

I just didn't understand.

What I didn't understand was how much my Daddy really loves me,

and sometimes he just says it better

When he says nothing at all.

Only my dad would have a heart to heart with his daughter mere hours after having a total shoulder replacement while somewhat intoxicated due to Morphine! I never truly knew how much he really did love me until, with slurred speech and a head that he had problems holding up, eyes that kept closing, he told me he concerns for me and my life. It wasn't preaching or lecturing, it was like a plea for me to help myself. He was mainly worried about my depression and how I isolate myself and that that doesn't help my depression and what that could do to me.He also really thought that I could remedy that by going to church with the family on Sundays! I really feel, even without the hugs and kisses or the 'I love yous' I have the best dad in the world.

Wow, it's been AGES since I've been on LJ! And the only reason I'm on now was because I was bored and was going through my list of bookmarks trying to find something to do! Not that I have to be forced to come to LJ, just that if my brain is capable of remembering to come here, I have no energy left to write anything. It's been so long since I've been here that I can't find anything with all the new features that have been added!! Hmmm, now where do I start?

I have 2 jobs, neither of which I get any hours from! I have the job from which I received workman's comp, though minimally. If I want to go back there,  not only would I need lots of luck, I would need to spend at least $750 to get an Independent Medical Exam done and it would have to say that i have no restrictions whatsoever. It's a good thing I don't want to work there! The next job is helping seniors do things around their house and running errands. Now I've been 'employed there since October 26, 2007. Yet I haven't worked a day yet! Supposedly they don't have enough clients for all of their employees. Ummmm, so when I was hired why did they hire at least 11 other people? I guess, given my track record lately, that I am going to apply for disability. For those of you who know me, know why. I would rather be able to work, but right now, unless I find a job that lets me work at home, any amount hours I want to, and at whatever times I want to, then I just can't handle a job right now. I am having a hard time making it to doctor appointments where I'm gone for maybe 2 hours at a time! I want to go to them because I want to get healthy, which means I need to go, but I have no energy and some days I literally can't keep my eyes open. I have slept for the past three days, almost non-stop.

I have been having more problems mentally than I was. Been depressed, having weird, odd thoughts. Thank goodness for impulse control!! Which I have MOST of the time! My meds aren't right, I keep missing my med doctor appointment because it takes me too long to wake up. I think I've been laying there waking up for 20-25 minutes and it's been an hour! Then the doc is so booked it takes a month to get back in to see her. So crossing my fingers for Feb 25! I've also have been feeling dissociative. Things have been happening whether on T.V., in dreams, or in real life but I can't tell, when looking back on it (if I can remember it at all), in which one it happened in! I am also having problems retaining information, short term or long term. My brain doesn't work at all any more it seems! I've missed birthdays, even Mario's, which I am normally fairly good at. Forgot Valentine's Day too! I've also been having lots of headaches and dizziness. The doctor says it's due to a sinus infection I can't get rid of and my ear being blocked with wax that I can't get rid of.

The good news is that Mario and I have gotten past the 'honeymoon' stage and have still decided that we love each other very much, now more than ever and that we are gonna stay together and someday get married! He is very good to me! Some of our good sides have rubbed off onto each other which is nice! He didn't forget Valentine's Day! I got flowers, candy and a new keyboard!! The first presents he got right and were actually for me!!! He also sent me an e-card which is so sweet especially since I love cards and he has NEVER given me one!!

I have missed talking to my friends and family. I mean no offense to anyone. I really do love you and think of you often and one day you all will know it too! I just haven't had the energy it takes to be social.

I see humor in different ways. It's a way to laugh, it's a way to 'joke' about something. And it's even a way to tell the 'truth' about something but having cover to do it with.

Many people, knowingly or unknowingly, use humor to cover up the truth about how they really feel about something. I know several people, including myself, that do this. Whether they can admit it or not is another story.

So when Mario jokingly makes comments about about how I have to be nice to him because he took me on a river boat cruise, took me to dinner at Red Lobster, buys me ice cream and that kind of thing. I see this as him having a problem with me not working. Especially since he has 'joked' about this more than once in the last few days.

When we went out to lunch after the services for his dad, someone made the comment about HIS money. And he replied, some of it's hers (I had recently gotten last year's tax refund). I see this as him having a problem with me not working.

I grew up with my mom, any time we went out with someone outside us kids and dad, SHE had to pay because SHE didn't want to OWE anyone anything.  So, now, I have the same mentality. The problem with that though, is that  I'm broke. So when I go out with someone it is normally on them. Most people I do end up going out with, I feel comfortable enough with them that I don't feel like I OWE them anything later. And this was the case with Mario. I didn't feel like I owed him anything because all that we are doing is US. Not me and you But recently, because he keeps 'joking' about this stuff I feel that he is really mentally adding up everything that he has done for me. he says he is just joking. But I feel like what is really happening is that he is using humor to cover up how he really feels about me being out of work. So in response. i don't want to have him buy me ice cream, or take me to dinner, or anything of the like. Because I refuse to OWE anyone anything. This is in part, why I have such a hard time asking and accepting help from people.

Mario, I'm sorry that this is how I am and how I feel. If you tell me that you are joking, I should be able to accept that and be fine. But I'm not. I feel that there is more to it than what you are telling me. this is my problem to fix. I hope you understand. I love you.

Mario and i went on a river boat cruise on Saturday that his work was having. I was somewhat excited and somewhat not excited to go. I was excited because I love doing stuff like that but I wasn't excited because that meant I would have to deal with people. I'm not much into being social with people right now, unless I know them already.

My friend, Betty, when I told her what we were doing, said 'you're going on a date!'. That made me forget about the other people and just concentrate on us. I got all dolled up and everything.

When we were walking up to the entrance, Mario was walking ahead of me. Not far ahead of me but not by my side either. So I figured, there went the date aspect of it!

Ok, so I got all dolled up to go right? While we were standing in line waiting to get on the boat, what does it start to do? Yes...it rained. Thankfully it wasn't too bad. Then we get on the boat. Wonder around to see if Mario sees anyone he knows and that kind of thing. I decide to go all the way up on the top deck. And what does it start to do again? Rain! So we go down to the next deck. After a few minutes, I can't stand much longer and I REALLY want to be on the top deck. So I ask Mario if he will get some refreshments and meet me upstairs. He agreed. So while I'm waiting for Mario to meet me upstairs, what does it start to do? No, not rain, but HAIL! So people are making a mad dash to the lower deck. I'm one of them. Because it hurt from the hail and because I had people running behind me, I RAN down the stairs! Future notice to self: NO running! Talk about some freaking pain! Anyways, I digress. Then, after finding Mario, he says he saw some seats by some people he knows downstairs. So we go down to the next level. After running down the top stairs, going down another level of stairs. I didn't think I would be able to walk any more. And we got drenched on the way down!

For a while we sat with his manager. Then we moved to sit with some other co-workers. then we went outside to smoke and started talking to another co-worker. We talked a while to him and then we sat on some benches outside for the rest of the evening.

I had vertigo the whole time and towards the end was even nauseous. But even with that and the ahil and rain I had a GREAT time on my date with Mario.

This has been a very long week. For those of you who don't know, I had to put my rat, Pinky to sleep and Mario's dad died, on Friday. While Mario suffers in silence, I suffer, for the most part, out in the open. But since I want to be strong for Mario I have been suffering in silence as well.

With all of the arrangements and things we had to do to get ready for the services today, we drove over 200 miles since Saturday. I'm not sure if it's the internalizing of the pain, the stress of having all these things to do or the comings and goings that have made my body ache like it hasn't ached in several years. I have had back problems since I was a teenager, in 2001 i worked at a gas station. I was on my feet 99% of the time. I lifted, carried and shelved items and was constantly moving around, while I had back problems. I feel now like I did then when I would get off of 12 or more hour shift.

So far Mario seems to be grieving what I consider 'normally'. I just hope he continues to do so. I don't want him to bottle it all up and let it simmer inside. We had to cremate Elmer's body due to having the county pay for the service. i was thinking Mario would want to scatter his ashes somewhere that reminded him of his dad. Well, that's not the case. He wants to keep them for an extended period of time if not forever. At first I was not comfortable with this. thinking of having someone's ashes in my home some where creeped me out. Especially since I thought about all the things the cats could do to get into them or knock them over. After thinking about it and everything I became more open to the idea. the funeral home director told us that we could pick out an urn from them or get our own. I automatically said we will get our own. Most of it was that I knew that they would want an arm and a leg for their urns. And no way on earth did we have the money for it. The other part of it was i wanted something cat proof. So we went to Hobby Lobby in search of our urn. we looked high and low are different boxes, vases, jars, and just about everything. Seeing how heavy or light it was. If it had a tight latch or not. Then we passed a section that had like ornaments that you would use in something like a doll house. It caught both Mario's and my eye. They had little cowboy type things and fishing ones too. You know miniature fishing rod and bucket, lanterns, cowboy boots, a sheriff's star, that kind of thing. That seemed to click with some wood boxes we had seen. I had been stating the whole time that depending on what it was that we got , I could fix it up. So that's what we did. We bot a wooden box that looks like an old fashioned lunch pail, a base, paint, and the miniatures. And I spent 8 hours making Elmer's urn. And I don't normally toot my own horn (mainly cause I don't think my work is good), but it turned out great.

I'm just glad that the physically having to go and do things is over. Mario nor I are people that really like HAVING to go and do things. We are better (well at least I am) at doing things in my own time. So tomorrow we don't HAVE to go anywhere. We can just chill at home all day.

As some of you know, I have been feeling disconnected for Mario lately. All in all, it really has been the same between us from the beginning, but I am healing and therefore changing. In doing this I have realized that Mario and I are not the team or chain, so to speak, that i thought and wanted us to be. In fact I have been thinking about breaking up with him. Because I had started to doubt that we could EVER be equals in our relationship or anything like that. But during this troubling time I felt connected to him again. It's sad that it took death to bring us to this point but it brings me hope that with effort we CAN be the team that I would like us to be (and that Mario claims he would like when asked).

So this is my news for now. Hope everything finds you all well. Take care.

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>You Are a Night Person</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/areyouamorningpersonornightpersonquiz/night.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
For you, there's nothing worse than having to get up and moving early.
In fact, you probably don't hit your peak until well after the sun has set.
So if your struggling to make it on a normal schedule, realize it's not your fault.
You just weren't meant to do anything during the day!</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/areyouamorningpersonornightpersonquiz/">Are You a Morning Person or Night Person?</a></div>

<div style="color: #000;"><br /><table width="350" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" cellpadding="1" border="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><tr><td style="background-color: #0066B3; color: white; font: 16px/1.1 Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HowManyOfMe.com</td></tr><tr><td style="border: 1px solid black;"><table width="100%" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" cellpadding="0" border="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><tr><td width="120" style="padding-top: 2px;"><a href="http://howmanyofme.com" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="http://extimg.howmanyofme.com/extimages/howmany-logo.png" alt="Logo" width="100" height="100" style="border: 1px black" /></a></td><td><span style="font: 16px/1.1 Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; color: #000;">There is <br /><span style="color: red; font-weight: bold;">1</span><br /> person with my name<br /> in the U.S.A.</span><br /></td></tr></table><a style="color: #0066B3; text-decoration: underline; font: bold 16px/1.8 Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" href="http://howmanyofme.com">How many have your name?</a></td></tr></table><br /></div>


This site told me that in 1951 the name Mandi  was the most popular name.  In 1943 the name Alley was the most popular  last name.  Yet there is only 1 person in the US that is named Mandi Alley. Me. So why is the IRS having so much of a problem with finding out why I haven't received my 2005 tax refund?